your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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