Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
