I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
only if we run a train.
done.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
