So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
