ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
