well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
