thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
