Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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