girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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