I hate your face
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
