I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
