Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize