Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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