I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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