hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he puts the penis in happiness.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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