I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
