Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
