I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
