On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
