i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
