He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
