WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
