worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize