I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
