He passed out mid-signature
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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