So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
