Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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