god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
