How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
