my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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