i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
