Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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