nut hugger
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
