You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize