I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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