stop calling my apartment porn island.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize