What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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