You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
