Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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