he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i love accidental penises.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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