Im at strip club and am horny
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
