I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
