Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
