Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
