so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Are my feet made of real feet?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
