I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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