oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize