My first STD was from a foam party
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
