you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
