It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Panties = found
Randomize
