The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
