The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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