the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
