can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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