no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who died my cat blue again?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
