About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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