Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
