a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
