yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize