i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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