Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
