Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
