She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
