Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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