Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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