i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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