if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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