Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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