Apparently you make a good broom.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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