I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
