If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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