There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
did you just send me my own nude
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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