4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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