these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We smell like vodka and hangover
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