I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
