if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize