considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize