On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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