Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
