just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
