how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
