HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
