Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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