i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
