you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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