I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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