some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
