eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
