Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
