either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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