your thong is hanging out like whoa
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize