i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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