yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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