I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
