We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
