Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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