Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize