Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
