sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
