why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize